As a Mom I know I am supposed to be excited about Mother's Day. I'm supposed to spend time preparing my list of demands for that beautiful Sunday in May when it's socially acceptable, and actually encouraged, for me to think about myself over everyone else. I'm supposed to delight in flowers, chocolates, and cards all while being waited upon like some royal from long ago.
But I don't.
I don't really look forward to the pressure that it all comes with. Pressure to figure out just what the hell it is I want to do. Do I want to spend a lot of time with family? Do I want to make it a day for family games and cuddles with kids because they will only be this age once? Or do I want to go and do things I rarely get to do like get my hair done, get a manicure, or go and get a massage? Or maybe go and grab a coffee and take a guilt free stroll through Target? There are people who will absolutely jump all over you if you don't spend at least some time with the human beings who make you a mother, so there is the pressure to balance it out properly. What about the pressure to acknowledge all the other mom's in your life? Your own mother, you mother-in-law, siblings, in-laws, friends, grandmothers, aunts...the list can get really long depending on how big your circle of friends and family is.
There is also the pressure of my own expectations.
I can sit here and think about all the things that would be nice to do, have, or more often, not have to do or deal with but that does not mean it will go down like I hope. I would love not to have to repeat myself 8 times when telling my kids to put something away. I would like to not have to hear anyone fight over whose turn it is in Minecraft or hear people whining about how hungry they are less than an hour after they've had a meal. I'd like to not feel like a lazy lump on a log because I am not doing dishes or laundry. I'd like to not feel guilty that my husband, who works sometimes 6 days a week, is now expected to do my job for me that day.
And that leads me to the other complicated set of feelings I have about the holiday.
My husband is amazing. He is the one making 98% of breakfast on the weekends. There have been occasional Saturdays when he has had to work or had things to do and the kids have been subjected to a 6th day of boring breakfasts but that is the exception not the rule. Sunday mornings seem to always come with the promise of pancakes or waffles or crepes. There have also been home made hash browns, breakfast burritos and french toast. He works hard Monday thru Friday at his job, a job that he is not always done with when he comes home. Being a small business owner means that payroll, inputting hours and getting ready for the next day, or the next job, falls to him. This week preceding Mother's Day of course has had to be a hell week for him. He has been working very physical 10 hour shifts building a house-and of course it has to be specifically sheeting the roof. This means he is up and down ladders all day carrying heavy ass sheets of plywood to the top of a roof that is steep as hell. He has come home exhausted and sore. Saturday he may have to work too and I can't help but feel guilty that he is expected to keep going on Sunday and take over my role because it means he doesn't really get a break. He would be working on his one day of rest before kicking off another work week.
I would love to live in this fantasy land where my list of Mother's Day demands don't adversely affect anyone else but reality can be a bitch. And while taking off and watching Captain America: Civil War with my little sister Sunday night sounded good at first, the reality that my husband and I don't get to spend a lot of time together and that Monday morning follows Sunday night was dismissed about 5 minutes after it entered my brain (and Monday comes early when your 2 year old insists on waking up to have coffee with Daddy before work).
I thought about going shopping for a new comforter set since ours has been mutilated and worn out...but isn't that lame? I'd like to watch a movie or two of my choosing, but isn't that boring and antisocial? I mean, what memories could I possibly be making while sitting in a room near my family, but actively watching a screen?
Take a bath. Listen to music. Read a book. Have some wine. I hear you people thinking these things.
I don't like baths really. You can hear everything going on outside the door, which in my house includes the sounds of a 2 year old trying to break the door down because she knows I'm in there and how dare I use the bath tub without her. Music, I like and I do that when I need to either de-stress or get shit done and have no desire to do so. It is possible that I might actually try to find time to do that, so thanks for that idea random person who thought it. Book reading requires silence or something close to that...a dull roar would suffice. But just what book would I try and pick up? I don't want to start something new because Lord knows I won't be able to finish it. I can't really enjoy the wine because I also happen to be 6.5 months pregnant. I heard someone whisper sushi...actually, that might have been me. I have been thinking about this great roll I had several months ago that had avocado and cream cheese...it was divine. I don't know how I could fit that into my day since there are no decent sushi places near my house. And before you crucify me for wanting to eat sushi while pregnant, I ask you, just what the hell do you think Japanese pregnant women eat? Sure, they avoid the high mercury content fish, but as long as you aren't getting it from a gas station you are probably fine. But that is a tangent and not important right now. As of this moment I have on my list of MD Demands: Coffee that I don't have to make. Crepes which I don't even know how to make. Not having to get the kids ready for Mass at noon by myself. A brunch after mass that I honestly am not looking forward to that much because they never make as good of food as my husband, my kids will still be in Church clothes and I don't even get a say in the food that is being served. On the bright side, I don't have to stress about what people will eat for "lunch" when we get home...which buys me a couple hours before they start asking about a snack. I have that annoying idea of sushi floating around in my head and I am toying with the idea of inviting my MIL over for dinner, philly cheese-steaks perhaps. My MIL is pretty awesome, so sharing the Mother's Day spotlight with her is totally fine with me. She'll probably insist on pie for dessert and I like pie. Her sons (my husband and his little brother) are also very good at cleaning kitchens. So if they do come over, chances are very high that I will go to bed with an immaculate kitchen and dining room which is a gift in and of itself.
Am I lame for not having extravagant plans? No day at the beach or spa. No trip out with the girls. No crazy plans to sleep in til 10 a.m. I'm not sure how this Sunday will be really different from any other Sunday because my husband is just that awesome all of the time. Maybe I will just declare that if you have a problem, go to Daddy. You have no idea how many times my shower, crafting time, or kitchen cleaning has been interrupted by a kid needing something taken care of despite the fact that my husband was in the room with them not 3 feet away. Sometimes it's like he's invisible to them. I know it means I am the most awesome at solving their problems and that I am very loved, but sometimes I would like to do something, from start to finish, without interruption. Hell, even this blog post was interrupted by kids telling on each other, informing me about the games they plan on playing when they are done cleaning up and the presence of my literate 8 year old waiting patently to get back on his computer. Maybe that is what I should ask for. Blocks of uninterrupted time to do whatever it is I want. Whether its cleaning, crafting or eating a bowl of ice cream. After all, I have just about everything else already.
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