I don't know about you, but I Love Christmas. I love the lights, the tree, the garland and the glittery decorations sprinkled throughout the house. I love the cute little snowmen and the signs with Santa's picture in the front yard. I enjoy driving around checking out the Christmas lights and listening to my kids "ooh" and "Awww" at the reindeer, stars and angels that light up the dark streets. I love the music, the scents the emanate from most kitchens and there is something absolutely magical about sitting on my couch in front of our tree, all the lights out except the strands wrapped around the 9' fir and the garland I've painstakingly arranged. There is a natural romantic atmosphere, warmth and love, peace and gratefulness.
And then there is the stuff that stresses me out.
The budget for gifts. Trying to find the right gift that is neither lame nor too extravagant. Struggling to find the time to decorate things and knowing that most likely I won't be able to make it look the same as I envision it. Making the mental list of treats and cookies I want to bake, imagining how much fun it will be to work with my kids to decorate gingerbread men or houses only to have very little time or energy to do half of it and losing my patience halfway through it and thereby not being able to enjoy it as much as I had wanted.
There is the frustrating conversations and even more frustrating and stressful trips involving gifts with my Husband. I love the man dearly and he is very generous, but at Christmas time he get grinchy about money and toys. Granted he is not a fan of our kids having a lot of "stuff" any time of year but at Christmas time it really gets on my nerves. Is it too much to ask to just think of a gift for each of your kids, do so joyfully and then not gripe about the money we are spending? I mean we aren't buying them all tablets and $50 video games or something.
Then there is the stress of planning family photo shoots, Christmas cards, going to Mass, family Christmas get togethers with my family, his family and then the extended family all while trying to balance out our own family time keeping in mind that the younger kiddos REALLY like their own house and don't do well with large crowds for long periods of time.
The wonderful double edged sword that is the Holiday season.
Over the past 8 years since we got married, my husband and I have tried different tactics, traditions and such to make Christmas fun or at least not complete chaos and stress. Obviously each family and situation is different, but here are some of the things that worked and some things that didn't:
Money:
This seems to top the list of what stresses us out and causes disagreements. Last year I decided tp work with a budget for gifts. We have 5 kids so I started with $100 a kid. Now this includes EVERYTHING. Big gifts, little gifts etc. I also decided that it made sense to have a baseline for number of gifts for each kid too so each child gets 1 gift from me and 1 gift from my husband. Santa usually brings them each 1 gift and they each get a stocking stuffed with whatever treats Santa decides to shove in there-candy, coloring books, crayons etc. There usually ends up being 1 or 2 things in there that the kid needed like a new toothbrush, their fave toothpaste or hair ties. After that is done we usually end up buying them some treats that they don't get normally-Lucky Charms, Pop Tarts....fillers basically but they still get super excited about their sugary cereals and snacks.
Now, my Hubby still groans about the cost because to him spending that much money on stuff is silly and I empathize but at the same time we both get joy out of seeing the kids faces when they tear into that paper only to unwrap a much wanted toy. He complains less since he knows ahead of time what the budget is and I stay organized and shop for deals so that I can stretch that budget as far as possible. This also helps us with the communication pitfalls that we had run into in the past. We both know what presents have been purchased and how much is left along with where we are money wise. It is so much less stressful when you can open a spreadsheet, scroll down and see your total spent and total remaining.
Decorating:
This one is still hard for me, but I have realized that a lot of the stress comes from #1-my expectations (thanks so much pinterest) and #2 My organization and time management. The first one is something that most people deal with I think. In the world of pinterest boards you see so many beautiful decorating ideas all in the palm of your hand. It can be inspiring but also intimidating and frustrating when things don't work out the same for us when we try to put together a centerpiece or wreath made from scratch. What I have had to do is remind myself that I cant do every cool thing on pinterest all at once. I have to try one thing at a time and keep in mind that I have 5 kids, a house to maintain, meals to cook and homeschooling duties. I also have to remember that if I can manage my time well, i.e. keep dishes, laundry and other cleaning tasks under control I will have more free time for crafting and experimenting with decorations. I also have to be sure to put my Christmas decorations away in such a way that getting them out is not one of those takes that takes up most of a day.
Baking:
Cookies, Rice Crispy Treats and Gingerbread houses populated by Gingerbread men. Lofty as my goals of baking can be, I need to learn to be happy with what I manage to do. I also have realized that if I really want to have a myriad of cookies to share with visitors, its okay to ask for help. Getting a sitter so that I can do some of the baking on my own is fine-I can always do a batch of sugar cookies with the kids another time. I can also invite a friend or family member over to help with the baking. Crank up the Christmas tunes and chat while we mix, bake and decorate.
Family:
This one is hard and to be honest I still haven't figured it out completely. There is always someone who feels left out, glossed over or just not high priority enough for their liking. It never ceases to amaze and irritate me how personally people take it when you can't visit them when THEY want you to. It is no easy task trying to pack up 5 kids along with their accessories and drive around visiting house after house. It was simpler when it was just my husband and I, and even when we had our first child it wasn't too bad. Now though it seems so overwhelming. In and out of car seats. Snacks. Drinks. Sippy cup. Change of clothes or two and sometimes PJ's. Then there is the fact that my younger two really like being home at bed time. They get cranky and very anti-social, especially the 14 month old. Boy is she not in the mood for kisses, hugs, smiles or other people in general when 8 pm rolls around. She may like you just fine at dinner time and it's nothing personal when she gets red faced with crocodile tears as her bedtime approaches.You just aren't Mommy. You don't have the equipment to calm her down. Which leads me to say this: It is okay to have a set time you plan on leaving. If the kids are doing fine you can always stay until they start losing it or you can stick to your schedule and get them out of there before the inevitable break down starts. Either way its your choice-they are your kids and if family members give you a hard time don't feel guilty. They like your company and would love for your to stay, but most people get it, at least most people in my family get it.
The problems I have encountered come from trying to find time to squeeze visits in that don't have already set times. For example, my husbands extended family have a tradition of everyone gathering for dinner.. Same time. Same place every Christmas evening. Family come from out of town (and out of state) to see family that they might not have seen since last Christmas. We also have Mass times that vary-a lot of family members go to midnight Mass while my husband and I take our kids to a noon Mass on Christmas day. It gives us time to have breakfast and open gifts before Church and still have most of the afternoon and all of the evening free. Midnight mass is hard to do when you have little ones and the Churches that offer it are usually jam packed, stuffy and you have to get there an hour before it starts just to get a seat.
My parents have gone to a vigil mass for years. The problem we encounter is that they have to come out here before Mass and get ready here. Its a lot of stuff to lug around and means they have a very finite amount of time to spend hanging out. Its not exactly relaxing. They have asked us to go to Mass with them and we have done so once-but it was so not our thing. We missed our church and it felt odd not going to Church on Christmas Day itself....not to mention the fact that I spent more time walking my infant outside since she could not be quiet. Mass at 7 means cranky baby shortly after arriving. It was cold and dark outside and the Church had no place to take a baby inside that would not lead to the sounds of her crying echoing across the whole building. As much as I like pleasing my parents I realized that it just didn't work for our traditions and our kids. Sometimes you have to kindly tell people the truth about your plans and hope they are reasonable enough to understand and not try to give you a guilt trip.
As far as family goes, we all have our own specific situations and hopefully we can all figure out a way to make the season work without too much stress!
Share with me some of the ways you cut down on stress or conflict during the holiday season!!
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