Finding your own happiness

How easy is it to point the finger at someone and lay blame at their feet?

So, so easy.

It feels good to distance yourself from your problems. To root out the causes and finger point until you feel all the blame has been dealt out to the right people.

But where does that get us? How does that help SOLVE our problems?

It doesn't. It in fact turns us into helpless victims at the mercy of those around us. When you place blame and responsibility on everyone else you give all the power to those people.
Where there is fault, there is also power. Power to change. Power to overcome faults, to undo wrongs and make amends.

Don't you think you want to be in control of your own happiness? Would you rather be able to positively affect your own life and relationships?
Or do you want to leave that to everyone else while you wait to see what they do and how it will affect you?

No thank you.

I hate having to look in the mirror and admit I screwed up. I hate admitting that I overreacted. I hate having to admit that problem X is my fault-especially since problem X has been around for a while and I know damn good and well what I need to do to deal with...I just don't want to. Its easier to blame circumstances around me-the baby is cranky, the kids have school work-I'm tired...etc. But in the end I KNOW that its me. Its my desire to play around on Facebook, watch TV or just avoid starting something that I will HAVE to finish if I don't want crap strewn all over the office floor or the bed in my room. It sucks holding on to the blame and being forced to make the changes myself.

I have been forced to ask myself questions about my life and my relationships. If I want a house that is clean and runs smoothly with a day that has time for fun things and time with my kids then I have to be willing to do what it takes to make that happen.
If I want a relationship that has trust, love, respect and patience then I have to use those things myself in order to inspire them in my Husband.
When it comes to my kids-if I want them to be kind, patient and good examples of Christians then I have to BE those things for them. Its not like there is magical dust I can sprinkle on them to make them act a certain way if they have never seen those traits in action before.
My point is that sometimes YOU have to BE the type of person you want others to be to you.

If you want something from someone then give that person what you want from them.
You want forgiveness? Give it.
You want love? Then give love.
You want them to show interest in your life? Show interest in theirs.
You want their best selves? Be your best self around them.

More often than we want to admit, we are our own roadblocks when it comes to getting what we want from life. We whine and pout and throw our fits when things don't' go our way but we never take control of things. We just flail around waiting for someone else to do something to make things better.
Guess what? It will never happen.
You cannot control other people.
I can't control my husband. I can't.
But I can inspire, I can affect my husband.
If I complain constantly about things he doesn't do what reason does he have to do those things? Maybe to shut me up? But that isn't what I want. I don't want him to do things for me so he won't have to hear me whine.
If I instead ask him to do things the way I want him to ask me-with love and respect - then things get done and out of love, not annoyance.

If I want my kids not to yell then I too have to work on not yelling.
If I want my kids to keep their room clean then I must lead by example and keep my own room clean.
If I want my kids to value our possessions (but not too much of course) then I too must value them and treat them accordingly.
If I want my children to respect my Husband then I too must show him respect.
Sure, I can't control everything and everyone in my life and things are going to go wrong no matter what I do, but I am not going to hand over more control than I have to. I will not hand over the control of my happiness to those around me.

I can only control my own words and actions. I am only responsible for my words and actions and how I respond to the words and actions of others.
So please, join me in taking control of ourselves, our lives and our words and actions. Lets stop allowing excuses to keep us from our goals. Let us look forward and BE the change we want to see in others.
After all, you know what they say about when you want it done right? You have to do it Yourself.