Concrete vs abstract

If you are like me there are problems you have that seem so vague and hard to define. I know I have issues with anxiety, insecurity, and stress.
It seems too easy to slap a motivational poster up on the wall and point to that anytime someone brings up their struggles. But let's be honest, its not easy to "Believe in yourself" when no one can tell you how to start doing it. How do you overcome your own fears of being humiliated, ridiculed, or written off? Buying posters and wearing cute shirts with glittery phrases sprawled across your chest won't make it happen. No, there has to be stuff you can actually do. Concrete steps you can take to pull yourself out of the hole you are desperately trying to get out of.

At least that is what I am hoping.

I'm not saying that having the cute little cat poster on the back of your door is stupid, hell I bought my own cute little tank top with the phrase "I can and I will" on it. The problem for me was that the shirt made me feel good and capable for a little while, and then one day simply putting on the adorable tank top and looking in the mirror was not enough to make me smile.
I did my best to honestly examine the things I was struggling with, and let me tell you, some of them were so silly and yet they had so much power over me. I decided to start small.
I started thinking of all the things I am afraid/nervous/anxious about doing that I shouldn't be.

For example: I never sing in front of my husband. Sure, the occasional Twinkle Little Star to my daughter when dear hubby is within ear shot, but even at Church I won't sing if he is standing next to me. I won't sing in the car if he is in it. Now, he has never said anything bad about my singing, so I have no real reason not to. I know I am no Taylor Swift but I'm not exactly nails on a chalkboard either.
Another thing I never do? Dance with anyone other than my Hubby. Yes, at my Wedding I sorta danced with people-but in the I can barely move and this is sorta uncomfortable kind of way. I definitely have never waltzed or thrown myself into a swing dance with anyone else.

Also, I was too scared/nervous/embarrassed to ride this cute little dirt bike we have. I have the helmet and the bike is the perfect size for me and not too powerful. Why? A little because I am scared of getting hurt but mostly because I don't want to look stupid in front of anyone. I swear if I could start it on my own I would have practiced when no one was around. But because someone would have to be there to witness whatever lameness I would exhibit I refused to climb on and give it a shot.

I was also afraid of getting my cartilage pierced. It was something I really wanted to do but I was concerned about the pain and the fact that it could hurt for a while afterwards. The reason this is stupid? Because I gave birth to an 8 lb baby without pain medication (even though that was so NOT the plan) so you'd think that a little poke in the ear would be no big deal.

I am afraid to be silly in front of other people. Games that involving acting out, singing or humming, or drawing are stressful for me because I am afraid people will make fun of me. But while I am sitting there avoiding those things, I find it hilarious and not at all weird that other people do those things. Even if they are terrible at it. We laugh and we move on. So why do I think it would be any different for me?

So what did I do about it? Well first I started putting headphones on while I clean. I do this because of course music makes it better, but also so I am not as aware of where people are while I am singing happily to myself. I don't yet belt things out while doing this, but if my husband comes home or gets out of the shower he may catch me singing and I might not notice. It's a tiny step towards not being so self conscious.

The next thing I did was let myself get talked into riding the dirt bike. People were around. I had shorts on instead of pants (anyone who has ridden a dirt bike will understand why wearing pants when you are starting out is a good idea)and I did not have my helmet on as someone else was using it. But I did it anyway. I confronted my fear of getting hurt and being totally embarrassed. I got on the bike, allowed someone else to tell me what to do, and I went for it. He even helped me solve the problem of going too hard on the gas and then letting go...I was jerking myself back and forward like I did the first time I tried to drive a car. I felt embarrassed, but after being shown a little trick it didn't happen any more. No one laughed at me and I had fun.

I can't wait to get on it again.

The next thing I did was seize the opportunity to get that cartilage piercing. The place I was going to go to ended up having a booth/trailer at the local fair. My friend and I drug our husbands out and got them done. I even had the guts to go first. It hurt for a few seconds and was tender for a few days. But I absolutely love it and am so glad that I didn't let my silly fear stop me from doing something I have wanted to do for years.

So, I have crossed a few of my little things off my to-do list which makes me feel pretty good.
I am also working on establishing healthy relationships with those in my life and realizing that it's okay to talk to people about things that bother you (as long as that's not ALL you do)
I am trying to work on enjoying the small things like playing a level of Lego Star wars with my son, or putting together a puzzle, or cuddling up to my daughter to watch a mouse do ballet on Netflix. Those things seem so insignificant but can mean so much to my kids and to me if I just let myself enjoy them.

I am learning that the little things really do add up.